Altruistic Introspection

Is there really such a thing as altruistic introspection. Well, I don’t know if that’s the right way to explain what I am doing lately, but its the best title for the process I can come up with – taking a deep look into myself so I can be a better friend, partner, son, brother.

I am examining my own thought processes, my actions, and the reasoning/logic that leads me to them. I have learned a number of things already.

  1. I don’t develop emotional attachments easily, but when I do, I have trouble letting go of them.
  2. Although I am primarily a facts-oriented person, when it comes to the aforementioned¬† emotional attachments, all the facts in the world just can’t match how much I care about someone.
  3. I have been exhibiting traits I swore I never would after seeing them in my father:
    1. Living to work, instead of working to live.
    2. Avoiding my responsibilities by busying myself with work on the computer.
  4. My self-worth is too tied up in what those closest to me think of me.
  5. My self-image is reliant on my self-worth and, as a result, is very fragile.
  6. I don’t deal with stress as well as I should. In the past I have bottled it up until I burst, hurting those around me. Presently, I am letting it overwhelm me. I need to find a point of balance.

As a result of these revelations, I have decided to make a number of changes in my life:

  1. I will teach myself healthier emotional habits.
  2. I will work normal, healthy hours – no more 12 hours a day, seven days a week. Its 9:00am ’til 5:30pm, Monday to Friday from now on.
  3. I will embrace my responsibilities and set limits on the time I work/play on my computers.
  4. I will learn to judge myself based on the value of my accomplishments.
  5. I will learn to accept the way I look, or do something about it, rather than let it get me down.
  6. I will find healthy outlets for my stress, that do not impact my relationships or jeopardize my ability to fulfill any of my other goals.

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