Is there really such a thing as altruistic introspection. Well, I don’t know if that’s the right way to explain what I am doing lately, but its the best title for the process I can come up with – taking a deep look into myself so I can be a better friend, partner, son, brother.
I am examining my own thought processes, my actions, and the reasoning/logic that leads me to them. I have learned a number of things already.
- I don’t develop emotional attachments easily, but when I do, I have trouble letting go of them.
- Although I am primarily a facts-oriented person, when it comes to the aforementioned emotional attachments, all the facts in the world just can’t match how much I care about someone.
- I have been exhibiting traits I swore I never would after seeing them in my father:
- Living to work, instead of working to live.
- Avoiding my responsibilities by busying myself with work on the computer.
- My self-worth is too tied up in what those closest to me think of me.
- My self-image is reliant on my self-worth and, as a result, is very fragile.
- I don’t deal with stress as well as I should. In the past I have bottled it up until I burst, hurting those around me. Presently, I am letting it overwhelm me. I need to find a point of balance.
As a result of these revelations, I have decided to make a number of changes in my life:
- I will teach myself healthier emotional habits.
- I will work normal, healthy hours – no more 12 hours a day, seven days a week. Its 9:00am ’til 5:30pm, Monday to Friday from now on.
- I will embrace my responsibilities and set limits on the time I work/play on my computers.
- I will learn to judge myself based on the value of my accomplishments.
- I will learn to accept the way I look, or do something about it, rather than let it get me down.
- I will find healthy outlets for my stress, that do not impact my relationships or jeopardize my ability to fulfill any of my other goals.